Thursday, December 11, 2008

His ways...

I remember the day as if it was yesterday. Some of you may have your own similar day. What day am I referencing? The day I was able to find out what gender my second child would be. Jason and I had made the decision to not find out with our first child what the gender was and enjoyed thoroughly not knowing and looking forward with full anticipation to hearing the doctor say "It's a girl!" or "It's a boy!". My wonderful doctor actually let Jason say it and I remember as he told me through tears streaming down his face, "It's a girl!" We were elated and my world immediately turned pink (& pretty much has been pink since that day!)

However, with my second pregnancy, things were a little different. We had tried for a while to become pregnant and it didn't happen as quickly as we would have wanted, but when the day finally arrived, we were so excited. As my pregnancy progressed, I began to become quite anxious about what this baby would be. (A pregnant woman's hormones can do some crazy things with her thought processes.) As my hormones kicked in, I knew 100% that I wanted another girl. I absolutely did NOT want a boy. I had all the things that a little girl would need, including a great big sister. My two girls would be best friends with matching dresses and bows and shoes. So, I'm not exaggerating here...I KNEW it would be a girl because I wanted one so badly and I just as equally did not want a boy, so there was absolutely no way God would give me a boy.

The day finally arrived for the ultrasound. I was looking forward to the technician solidifying what I had known all along. And as soon as he said, "It's a boy!", my world halted like one of those slow motion movie scenes. I said "Are you sure?".  He then printed out a 5x7 picture with the proof circled and highlighted. I had to force myself to say thank you as if it was this poor technician's doing that somehow my baby had changed from a girl to a boy in that very moment. I proceeded to cry for 5 days, and off and on until the very day I went into labor. However, as soon as my Benjamin was born, everything was OK and there's not another baby in the world I would have rather had.

I can think of many other times in my life when I just knew that my way was better than what was happening around me. If God would just let me be in control of this situation or that situation, I would definitely know a better way, right? WRONG! The hard part of these lessons is the proof is usually through hindsight. I am learning that His ways are not my own and His ways are better. His ways may take me through some dark times, some painful times, some confusing and almost hopeless times. In those times, I tend to reach out harder for His hand. I tend to learn more about myself and His love for me. And when I'm on the other side, I see how He carried me all the way through and How he changed me to be more like Him.

Had we gone ahead with my plans and my second baby had been a girl, I would have missed out on things like dinosaurs eating baby dolls and even more... on this handsome face:

If you're going through a hard time right now, or you are even questioning if all this God stuff is real and important, I encourage you to pick up your Bible and read the words He's written for you. Find a good devotional book (or even a devotional site on the internet) and spend a few minutes each day reading about this God who created you. 

I like how The Message words these familiar words from Proverbs 3:
5-12 Trust God from the bottom of your heart; 
   don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; 
   he's the one who will keep you on track.
Don't assume that you know it all. 
   Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health, 
   your very bones will vibrate with life!
Honor God with everything you own; 
   give him the first and the best.
Your barns will burst, 
   your wine vats will brim over.
But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline; 
   don't sulk under his loving correction.
It's the child he loves that God corrects; 
   a father's delight is behind all this.

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